platonism tamed: Expert Q & A: Are Pets Treated Like Kids?

By Paul Ciampanelli Aug 02, 2013

What is the nature of our relationship to our pets? In the past, and sometimes still today, pets served practical purposes as well as companionship, like hunting dogs, or barn cats who killed vermin. But more and more all the time, people are growing to consider pets to be family members.?Certified animal behavior consultant Darlene Arden answered our questions about the changing nature of how pet owners view their animals.
QUESTION:

Do pets need to have relationships with other animals?
ANSWER:

Pets, especially dogs, need to get along with other dogs. ?Dog-on-dog aggression is a very serious problem. It?s wonderful if pets have other pets as friends. It?s not always possible for owners to have more than one pet. Cats, given enough attention, playtime, etc., can do well without another pet but they really do enjoy playing and snuggling with a four-legged friends. With dogs, it?s easy to arrange play dates with other dogs, take them to positive reinforcement training classes and to get involved in dog sports where they will have other dogs with whom they can interact.
QUESTION:

Do pet owners treat their pets like children? Is it healthy for the pet owners?
ANSWER:

Yes, they do, in many cases. I think the relationships have evolved that way, and for many people, the pet is a child substitute. This is only a bad thing if they forget that the ?child? is of another species. Nothing is healthy when carried too far. For example, if you dress your dog up in a little frilly outfit and take it to the park to sit on a bench with you and watch the other dogs play, that?s bad. They still need to relate to their own species and be allowed to be dogs. If they can remember that the pet is of another species, it?s been discovered that interacting that way with a pet is normal because at least one study has shown that looking at a loved pet affects the same part of the brain as looking at one?s child. In a sense, love is love. And remember that pets help to lower our blood pressure.
QUESTION:

In families with both children and pets, is it healthy or harmful to treat pets as family members? Should having real children change how owners treat their pets?
ANSWER:

It?s important that children and pets are both loved and learn to love and respect each other. The biggest problem that I see is when parents don?t supervise all interactions. Before the age of seven, children don?t understand that they can inflict pain. They poke, prod, pull ears and tails, sit on the pets ... and the owners will brag that the pet is so good. ?The pet is being entirely too tolerant and the parent doesn?t know how lucky they?ve been; a pet who experiences pain has no choice but to clamp down with their teeth and then the pet is blamed for biting and usually thrown away in a shelter. ?This is the fault of the parents for allowing what is, essentially, abuse. The child doesn?t understand but the parent should. The parents have a responsibility to ensure that everyone is safe. Children perceive pets as siblings. If the parents treat the pet badly, they are likely to jump to the conclusion that they are next. The interactions can be quite fulfilling but nurturing the relationship and teaching children to be ?gentle? from the start is a key to that.
QUESTION:

How much is too much? Can infantilizing an animal rob it of its dignity? Is there an extreme to this behavior that could be considered cruelty?
ANSWER:

I don?t know that I?d use the word ?cruelty.? ?True cruelty is abuse. Small dogs lose body heat far more quickly than larger dogs,?as do dogs with short hair coats?and no body fat, like the Greyhound, Whippet, etc., so they need a warm coat or sweater or a T-shirt, as the weather dictates. I can understand if someone doing therapy visits with the elderly or children want to dress the dog up for those visits, but I frankly don?t understand the frilly dresses?and Mary Jane shoes on all four feet. Boots in the Winter are practical for many dogs. I would encourage those people to get into a fun dog sport like Canine Musical Freestyle or Treibball. They and their dogs will have fun and will meet new people and dogs and form wonderful friendships.
QUESTION:

Does treating an adult animal like a human child affect its development and behavior?
ANSWER:

It depends upon whether or not the dog knows what is expected. Again, it?s a case of knowing that you?re living with another species. All dogs need positive training and when you train, teach tricks, etc., both the dog and the owner gain something very special. You just have to remember that the ?child? has four legs, a tail, is rather hairy and uses different body language. An adult animal has no more mental development than a toddler or?perhaps a four-year-old, so we?re not talking about an adult human in that sense.
QUESTION:

What is the importance of the owner to the pet?
ANSWER:

The owner is the pet?s family, the one from whom the pet can expect affection, food, water, health care, friendship and bonding. Our pets are totally dependent upon us and we just take the relationship seriously.?A pet is for life, not for a whim. You don?t throw a pet away. They have feelings and will certainly feel abandoned.?I?m appalled by the people who move and leave the pet to fend for itself or will give away a pet, especially an elderly one. Or the people who give up a pet because the person they?re marrying has told them to do it! Incredible. I keep wondering what they?d do with Grandma or Grandpa. We have a throwaway society and, sadly, this includes living, breathing, sentient beings. Our pets give us unconditional love and they expect and deserve a happy, healthy secure life with us, for their entire lifetime. One should make provisions for their pets in their will and have someone they trust who has agreed to take their pets upon the owner?s death.
QUESTION:

Many parents are offended by those who equate pet ownership with parenthood. Is it OK for a pet owner who considers a pet to be a child to expect others to treat the pet that way, too?
ANSWER:

I think at the very least pets should be treated like the family members they are. I would expect others to do the same and be respectful of the owner who cares enough to take excellent care of their pet, just as they do their children. Those who are offended usually aren?t doing much of anything for anyone else. These are the same people who complain when someone contributes to the local shelter. Pet owners are more likely to contribute to pet and human charities but those who complain seem to spend their time doing nothing but complaining. I find pet people to be among the most caring and generous people.
QUESTION:

Pet owners view their animals as family members or even as their children more now than in the past. What are some of the reasons for this change in our relationships to our pets?
ANSWER:

Pets have moved from the farm into the house and thus began this evolution. Today, we?re involved in sports with our pets, while we tend to live away from family. Often, pets are a choice of empty-nesters or people who are childless, often by choice. They fill a special place in our lives as friends and child substitutes ? as companions who give unconditional love.
QUESTION:

Do pets think of their owners more as their parents, or do they see us as their children as well? Or some combination?
Next: How Smart Is Your Dog?
ANSWER:

Pets, especially smaller ones, transfer their bond from their mother?to the first person who interacts with them, and then?transfer it again to their new owner. They are dependent and they are loving. That?s also a good description of children: small, loving and dependent. But children eventually grow up. The dog or cat still has the same needs throughout its life. When we are in pain, they are there for us and will sense the same in strangers who are in need. They will lay down their lives for us so?in that sense, it?s parental on their part as well. The human-animal bond is truly amazing.